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Featuring
Horace J. Digby, Winner of the 2005 Robert Benchley
Award for
Humor
The only SandBagger publication endorsed by Dave
Barry.
"You want
me to read this?." -- Dave Barry,
2003 |
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SandBagger Mag-e-zine - Volume 5 - Issue 6
- June 17, 2005 |
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In This Issue:
- Reader Commentary --
by actual readers
- Squirrel Bridges
Down, Choo Choo Tickets Up -- by
Kaufbaugh Twilley
- SandBagger Politics --
by Steven Blair
- Vatican Elects New
Pope -- by Thomas J. Saunders A3radio.com, and
Lola Lane
- Digby Wins Robert Benchley
Award for Humor -- by Lana Long and Lola
Lane
- Canadian's to Film
SandBaggers -- Horace J. Digby, Jr.
Reader
Response:
- "SandBagger Mag-e-zine is among
the most progressive of any 'news' media I have ever
come across . . . even better than the Santa
Monica Evening Outlook which I believe is
celebrating 18 or more years of being out of
circulation." -- Skip Piper
- Attention Circulation Dept.:
I hate to complain, but I will
anyway. Why have I been dropped from your
mailing list? I like to stay abreast of current
events. -- Simcerely
[sic], Stan Donner -- Stan
Donner
- "I am answering your fervent plea for stupid ideas
to quiet Mt. St. Helens. . .
The local
songwriting team known as the "MacKenzie Boys" has
agreed to work on the song to commemorate (and
promote) the Wash-Kan Volcunnel (to the tune of 'The
Wabash Cannonball'?). Though perhaps their
contribution could be spun as the first entry in
another contest, one for stupid songs to promote
stupid ideas. -- Craig Z. Azaluen
- Could you send me the SandBagger at [email
address deleted to protect reader privacy].
I enjoy reading it but no longer use
the [e-mail address deleted] account.
Thanks. -- Diana Gaidies
-
Thank you for choosing to file your
Combined Excise Tax Return electronically.
As an
electronic filer you will NO LONGER RECEIVE PAPER
RETURNS. -- Washington State Department
O'Revenue |
by Caufbaugh
Twilley - SandBagger News
Longview, WA -
According to insiders, the City of Longview has again moved
the world famous Nutty Narrows Squirrel Bridge built by past
SandBagger President
and squirrel lover Amos J.
Peters.
"The
trees holding up that bridge were getting ready to fall over
any day, so the bridge had to be moved," people were saying
over at Moonshine Espresso, located at 1009 North Pacific, in
Kelso, where they serve great coffee drinks, sandwiches and
lots more.
The
new location of the bridge is HIGH above the Longview Civic
Circle, in front of the public library. Longview city
officials are considering installing telescopes so visitors
can actually see the bridge.
Go Against the Flow (of
Traffic)
One
solution for the too-high bridge problem is to reverse the
flow of traffic around the civic circle. It would be
easy, according to SandBagger traffic expert Don Cianci.
The city would only need a few hundred bucks for signs, to
reroute traffic around the circle, clockwise from now
on. That way everyone would have a great view of the
Squirrel Bridge."
"They
could put in a stop light," Dave Spurgeon
suggested.
Even
with this new and creative solution to the visibility problem,
the bridge may have to be moved. According to officials
from NASA, the bridge's present location interferes with air
traffic, including the flight path of chosen for the
deep-space-probe program.
"With
that bridge up there, in them trees, we don't see any way
we're gonna miss it, unless we let our Deep Impact Probe
collide with that there Comet Tempel 1, on July 3rd at 11:00
p.m.," said an unidentified caller who claimed to work
for NASA.
In Other News. .
.
According to Frank King of Kings Travel, in Longview, WA,
round trip Amtrak tickets from the Kelso, Washington train
station to Seattle's King Street Station (no relation), are
just $66 per person roundtrip on August 17th, But only $44 per
person on September 15th. The train departs Kelso at
9:36 a.m. and arrives in Seattle 12:15 p.m.. The return
trip departs from Seattle at 5:25 p.m. and arrives in Kelso at
7:52 p.m.
Those wishing to see the
Mariners win a baseball, should contact King (also no
relation).
by Steven Blair
- SandBagger News
There
have been rumblings within the SandBagger camp for the past
month. They may have started when past
President Wes Wheeler and his V.P. Tim South
announced that Nick Kalinin and Don Cianci would serve as new
SandBagger President and Vice President. The concerns
reached their peak three weeks ago when Cianci announced
formation of the CianciBaggers, (aka the "Sandbaggers of
Longview"). Walt Naze, according to
independent sources, left early on the day of the
announcement, but Herb Hadley Frank King, Steve McGhee and
Dave Spurgeon joined the new cub.
Nearly at once the members of the new club began to discuss
reunification with the old club, the "Longview
SandBaggers."
"Not
only would we miss each other, if the clubs split up,"
said an unidentified member of the new club, "but, it seems
the club treasurer, Skip Piper, and all of our money stayed
with the old club."
"They'll come crawling back," said Tim South, who also asked
not to be identified, referring to Baggers who had moved to
the North table, in the banquet room at Yan's (where according
to SandBagger legend, a new club would one day be
formed).
One Week Later. . .
Only one
week after the hand full of members moved to the North
table, they were all back at the South table, with no
explanation given.
This
Friday, only two weeks after the supposed split, and just one
month after the failed coup d'etau, the entire club
was back together again, enjoying great speeches by Barry
Morrill, V.P. Don Cianci, and President Nick Kalinin.
The plan is to get together this Tuesday at 1:00 p.m. to meet
a film production company from Canada, that has asked to film
the SandBaggers and the historic squirrel bridge.
By Tomas
J. Saunders -- A3radio.com News - and - Lola Lane --
SandBagger
News
Vatican City,
Missouri, -- In a surprise move today, the St Louis Cardinals,
following the lead of the conclave of Cardinals of the Roman
Catholic Church, have elected a new Pope. Warren Kress,
a demented DJ from A3radio.com, has been named pope, in
overtime innings.
Kress,
known to some as "Nearly Normal", is an unstable, DJ and show
host on Ann Arbor, Michigan's Premier Internet Station,
A3radio.com. Pope Nearly's first action was to declare
that infielders and other clerical persons cannot marry.
However, he is instituting a policy of the "Sacred
Harem."
Seminaries and
farm teams the world over have been swamped with applicants at
the news. Pope Nearly seems to have insured himself a
long term in office and a loyal
following.
Vatican City, Missouri is
undergoing renovations to accommodate this new role for
women.
by Lana Lang and
Lola Lane -- SandBagger News
Boston, Mass. -- Humor
columnist Horace J. Digby has been named winner of the coveted
Robert Benchley Award for Humor, given jointly by
Espree Magazine and The Robert Benchley Society,
announced David Trumbull, Chairman of the Robert Benchley
Society.
The Robert Benchley Award
goes to that humorist who best represents the style
and wit of that great American humorist, Robert
Benchley, who achieved celebrity during the 1920s
for his columns in New Yorker, Life,
Liberty, Vanity Fair, New York
Tribune, New York World, and the Chicago
Tribune. Benchley entertained the nation and the
world with whimsical articles exploring the every-day
situations in our increasingly complex society.
"Mr. Digby skillfully . . .
gives us a thoroughly enjoyable funny [column] that is both
original and yet so in the style of Benchley that one can
almost hear 'Sweet Old Bob' himself speaking the
words," Trumbull said. "Digby's work captures the
same 'every man' essence that made Benchley so
universally popular."
Trumbull added that all of
the articles in contention for the award were very funny, "but
when it came down to making a final decision, the judges
agreed that Digby's article, 'When You Can't Sleep,'
was the clear winner."
The Judges for this international event were:
PAMELA SISKA, writing consultant on staff at MIT,
and free lance editor, who serves as Robert Benchley Society
vice chairperson; SHARON LYON, software programmer, and
Robert Benchley Society secretary;
KEVIN FITZPATRICK, author of, "A Journey into Dorothy
Parker's New York," board member of the Robert Benchley
Society, and president of the Dorothy Parker Society of New
York; GORDON ERNST, author of "Robert Benchley: An
Annotated Bibliography," a foremost authority on Robert
Benchley, and a Robert Benchley Society board member, on staff
at West Virginia University; and
DAVID TRUMBULL, Boston
humor columnist, Chairman of the Robert Benchley Society, and
director of member services for the National Textile
Association.
Who is Robert Benchley? .
.
Robert Benchley is the
acknowledged model and inspiration for leading humorists,
including Woody Allen, Dave Barry,
Shelly Berman, Erma Bombeck, Bob Newhart, and others.
They all credit Benchley's influence.
Dave Barry said
it best, (or at least in an entertaining way) when he told an
interviewer for the Annenberg
Foundation, "The guy who made me laugh the most of
all . . . is Robert Benchley. I always wanted
to be like Robert Benchley. Um, not in the sense of
being 'dead.' I'd like to be Robert Benchley, but not
dead."
In the 1920s and 30s, Robert
Benchley helped form an association of writers
and celebrities, who were the cream of New York (and therefore
world) media. They came to be known as the "Algonquin
Round Table," named for a round table at New York's Algonquin
Hotel where they took their noon meal.
Those lucky
enough to be admitted to Benchley's "vicious circle," as
co-founder Dorothy Parker called the witty lunch bunch, set a
new standard for humor in national and international
media. Members
and guests included Robert Benchley, Dorothy Parker,
James Thurber, Noel Coward, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Earnest
Hemingway, Alexander Woollcott, Edna Ferber, P. G. Wodehouse,
George S. Kaufmann, Tallulah Bankhead, Franklin Pierce Adams,
Harpo Marks, and other noteworthies of the
day.
Through
wit and media access these "knights" of the Algonquin Round
Table achieved international notoriety, causing Parker to
quip, with her usual accuracy, that the group's most
remarkable accomplishment was becoming "famous, for
having
lunch."
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Don't believe
everything you
read. |
SandBagger Mag-e-zine is published by Lexington
Film, LLC.
All "persons" "places" and "events" depicted are
fictional, especially "Herb Hadley."
Copyright © 2004 Lexington Film, LLC. All rights
reserved
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