Have you been wondering? You
won't have to wonder anymore. Just take this simple test
in the privacy of your own home.
If you need help taking or
scoring your test, Dwain Buck and his tem of operators will be
standing by.
-- Horace J.
Digby
You might be a SandBagger . . . (The
Test):
You might be a Sandbagger
if—your only umbrella has red and white
stripes that match your only sport coat;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you go
Christmas shopping at Can-Openers Are Us each year;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you think
there are really words to the Whalers hit song Louie
Louie;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you have
fake ID that says your name is "Vinnie
Beetabataboom;"
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you own
United Airline stock, purchased with money raised for
charity;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you have
ever listened to Kenny Plampin tell his parrot joke but
still don't know how it ends;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—your
waitress ever Friday at noon is named
Sara;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you can't
even buy respect from the go fourth committee with $1,500.00
cash;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—your
friends bring rain gear when you invite them to lunch;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—YOUR
WIFE warns YOUR BUDDIES that they shouldn't be spending
so much time WITH YOU;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you think
the two most important historic sites in Longview, are a tiny
bridge and a large wooden rodent;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you
actually write checks for $25 each year to Skip Piper, even
though you have no idea why, and he won't ever tell you what
he actually does with the money;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you have
seriously considered letting Roland Richards take over Skip
Piper's job as treasurer;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you
calendar club election meetings two years in advance so you
won't ever miss one—again;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you really
can't understand why The Daily News fails to mention your
club's service projects;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you have
ever considered whether or not you need to arrange bail before
going on a club outing to Can-Openers Are Us;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you have
had your appendix rupture while shopping at Can-Openers Are
Us;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you are
still picking rice out of your hair after going to a baseball
game;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you know a
ticket scalper named Wiley;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you think
of guys like Bill Putaansuu, Chuck Korten, Tosh Mayeda, Jerry
Kivella, Hal Boyd, and Amos Peters on a regular basis and miss
them;
You might be a
Sandbagger if—you never
really thought the stuff that Bill Putaansuu did was all that
weird.
Are you a SandBagger? (Scoring your
test):
If
any of the above items mention your name or have any meaning
to you what-so-ever, you are a SandBagger—or at least you should be.
Inspired by that rural mantra
Jeff Foxworthy made famous, Dwain Buck of the SandBaggers
Institute for Advanced Human Research and Bowling Team has
announced the SandBagger's very own diagnostic aid to assist
loyal readers in determining if they might be SandBaggers (or
at least a closet SandBaggers). 