Has Evolution Stopped?

    For ages, we have thought, because we use fancy language and say things like abjure and contrapuntal, that we had marched boldly out of the jungle morass. Unlike the apes, we put on pants and marinated duck, took out our appendixes and used lawyers to do title searches. And, yes, maybe we have earned the right to call ourselves Homo Sapiens, given that we alone do colonoscopies.  But how far have we really gotten?

    Remember when killing someone was a tragedy, and someone was always around to quote something from the Bible?  Today, we seem to be no better than the simians (they've known it all the time and spend hours under the banana trees hooting over our Yoga classes and charity quilts).  Consider this: some apes kill for entertainment, and then make up any story on the spot to excuse themselves.  I was just foraging along here, and these two monkeys came up to me, walkin' bad, and well, I just meant to give them a little push out of the way, so I could get to this crippled squirrel!  I don't know how both their spines could break like that!  I didn't even know they had spines.  They're not really vertebrates like us, are they?

    What species that you follow every day on the news does that sound like? 

    Don't be fooled by the fact that we wear fancy Italian shoes and tattoos.  Otsi, the frozen 5,000 year old hunter they found in the Alps, had Italian shoes on and tattoos all over his body—one, many believe, translated to "Bling."  So what's changed?  Not much. 

    The truth is that human evolution may have reversed itself, so that cranky, indifferent and recklessly violent seems kind of natural and heroic these days.  Think about it.  Whenever a lower life form and a human meet on the street, it is invariably the lower life form who is the first to say, "Hey, hiya doin?"?  And when was the last time you saw a gecko or a gorilla with a gun? 

    I'm afraid we don't know how to start the ball rolling again.  I'm doing what I can.  I'm raising an alarm here, hoping someone who knows more about this kind of thing will contact the publisher and present the proper documentation (I know it's out there).   Look, we're coming to the bottom of the space I have for this.  That's another sign we're losing it.  Nobody will admit it; especially the crazies at SandBagger Mag-e-zine.  Nobody is willing to devote the space to explain to the world that we're in trouble and that we have to start banning video games, all of them, not just the violent ones.  They're all anti-evolutionary.  Look what they're doing to me.  There is so much more I can tell you but they just won't let me spea . . .

[Editor's note:  Ed Tasca is a guest writer suspected of being from Ontario, Canada (he won't confirm this) and a current member of the Robert Benchley Society (they won't confirm that).  Professing neither education nor secret political power base, Tasca does, however, say he doesn't believe himself to be politically left or right?unlike certain SandBaggers. 

    "No need for a photo," Tasca told SandBagger Mag-e-zine in recent correspondence, claiming to be ". . . more thought experiment than substance."]