The only SandBagger publication endorsed by Dave
Barry.
"Why don't
you just make something up, like everyone else
does."
-- Dave Barry, 2003 -- |
|
SandBagger Mag-e-zine - Volume 5 -
Issue 1 - February 13,
2005 |
Happy New
Years
- Welcome to 2005. The entire staff of
SandBagger Mag-e-zine wishes you and yours
a joyous and prosperous new year. We hope
you have enjoyed our humble offering this past
year. If anything we have written has offended
you, that wasn't
us.
|
In this Issue:
- Readers Letters. Actual
Readers responses to our first four years of
publication - by Joe
Daggy
|
By You - The Readers of SandBagger
Mag-e-zine
Over the
past four years we've received very kind support from our
readers. Here is what you have written about
SandBagger Mag-e-zine.
--
HORACE J. DIGBY, recently named SandBagger Mag-e-zine's
fictional character of the year.
"You are a maniac.
Which is a good thing."
-- Steven Barnes, best selling author of
Lions Blood and Zulu Heart, Star
Wars - The Cestus Deception, and the Emmy Award
winning Outer Limits episode, A Stitch In Time,
creator of the Five Minute Miracle Fitness
Program. Steven Barnes lives in L.A. California.
http://www.lifewrite.com.
"Joe -- This is
awesome. You're a stitch. The character in my book
doesn't do you justice. Not NEARLY funny enough! .
. Thanks for sending this on. You're too
much. -- Tananarive . . ."
"Joe -- You are a
funny, funny guy...and your family is missed. Hope you
guys had a terrific Christmas! We'll see you the next
time we swing into town. -- Best, Tananarive
-- Tananarive Due, author of The Good
House, and My Soul To Keep (soon to be a
major FOX SEARCH-LIGHT motion picture staring BLAIR
UNDERWOOD. Tananarive Due lives in L.A.
California http://www.tananarivedue.com
"Your newsletter is delightfully funny and
makes me smile—I hardly dare e-mail you this
compliment from fear of being mis-quoted in your magazine
by one of your delightful but . . . brain burdened
reporters . . . I enjoyed Adams article in the
magazine. He is so right, learning to swear correctly in
another language has got to be right up there with learning
correct manners. Really, I'm serious."
-- Caroline Wood,
national award winning playwrite, novelist and
screenwriter of the award winning feature length motion
picture The Immigrant Garden. http://www.immigrantgarden.com
"You could be the Dave
Barry of Southwest
Washington."
"Dear Mr.
Editor: My wife likes to read your
newspaper. That makes it difficult for me because I
always have to forward it and push several keys. I am an
old fellow thus it sometimes takes more effort than I can
muster or have available. Now the key
question! Could you sir, would you, include her
email address in your circulation list?"
-- Herb Hadley, former State
Senator, Insurance Executive, Business and Community
Leader.
"Can you believe he wants ANY woman's name on your
circulation list? Thanks for sending it in the
future. I DO get a kick out of the way you throw humor
into your reports."
-- Dee Hadley, the glue that holds
the Hadley clan
together
"Cancel my subscription. I just can't afford it
anymore!!"
-- Herb Hadley, former State
Senator, Insurance Executive, Business and Community
Leader.
"SandBagger Mag-e-zine
changed my life. I just had to add
SandBagger Mag-e-zine to the
Robert Benchley Society website. In addition to curing
male pattern baldness, the articles have taught me the secret
of inner peace and harmony (especially the one about Mad
Mad Mad Mad Mad Cow Disease). My 'doctors' may
even let me out of the 'hospital' someday soon, if they can
figure how to undo all of the buckles and straps. . .
Those are great stories! Still can't get over
the coincidence of you meeting Dita Von Teese. . .
I passed the newsletter on to all of our Robert Benchley
Society contacts."
"Great job as usual.
Especially the part about the pissed off sheep. . . all
the reports about you being a has been are not true. .
. This [Annual Civic Responsibility Issue] could be
worked into a skit for the live radio show. Great job
you made me laugh out loud thanks."
-- DWAIN BUCK, President and CEO of
Erosion Control Specialties, LLC, Board Member of
the Lower Columbia Contractor's
Association.
"Thanks for all the lies you tell
about me. Here is my new email address.
Ok, send me lots of stuff. Your pall, Roland"
-- Roland Richards, Radio
Personality, Retired Restaraunteur, Artist and all around
great guy.
"I don't know how
you come up with funny stuff so
consistently."
-- SANDY PUTAANSUU, artist, cartoonist,
newspaperwoman, communications consultant.
"Great issue! One of the best! Maybe the
only one worth mentioning at all. Anyhow, it made me
laugh."
"And he publishes Sandbagger News, a monthly
e-magazine that . . . is frequently quite inaccurate—by
design. . ."
"You want me to read this? Out loud?
This is English. I have no idea what's going
on here. You don't need me to say this
stuff. Why don't you just make something up
like everyone else does."
-- Dave Barry, Pulitzer
Prize Winning Humor Columnist, who told Adam
Daggy, "You're a Louie Louie god!" on the occasion of
their singing together on at the Rialto Theater in Tacoma,
Washington/. http://www.davebarry.com
"So now that my tickets don't match my schedule, what
do I do - just hope they don't notice? P.S.
Sandbagger news was great, keep sending them
along.
"$22.50???"
-- C. TAD DEVLIN,
Executive Producer of: George of The Jungle;
Sleeping With The Enemy; When a Man Loves a
Woman; Mighty Ducks 3;
and, Producer Director of The Immigrant
Garden. http://www.immigrantgarden.com
"This is great stuff! Keep it coming. Maybe someday we will
formally meet, do some magic and have a good time. I will be
watching for some good stories for you to put in your E-mag."
--
GEORGE FORD, Founder and "Curator" of "The Largest
Electronic Archive in the World on Houdini."
http://www.houdiana.com
"Great article [In
Search of the Ghost of Christmas Past]. I really
enjoyed the rest of them too!"
--
Gregg Campbell, Cinematographer, President of Breakaway
Productions.
"I
like everything you do Joe... it's a keeper. As the
saying goes in show business 'Any publicity is good publicity'
and I've put that to a test many times over. . ."
"I have just now opened my e-mail
and wish to comment on the current article but it will take
some time as I gather my thoughts. By the time I gather
my thoughts I may forget the article so bear with me.
Skiperoo"
"Sadly as Bush did not
win our slate I was not seated, so no cap and gown for
me." [Third Congressional district Electoral College
Nominee, responding to our "Electoral College Dropout"
article.]
"The e-zine is funny. Do you
do all the writing yourself? Your story about your son
made me laugh. Isn't it amazing what our children do to
us? And what exactly is a Sandbagger? I've
looked at the Sandbaggers website and found the pic of your
son with Dave Barry. How fun! (That is your son,
right?) . . . You crack me up. Merry
Christmas. : )"
"Doot, Thanks for the update
on the family. Hearing the update from a third party
provides an extra bit of integrity to the tale. When
people brag about themselves, you sometimes wonder. . ."
-- Tim Putaansuu, Nuclear
Physicist.
"Do you
accept submissions. I'm not Dave Barry. . . I'll
also be sending it to the Harvard Law Review."
-- Ed
Tasca, award winning humor writer from Woodbridge,
Ontario, Canada. His novels include Return of
the Lost Horses, and Good Morning, Why Is
Everyone Here Naked?. His screen plays include
Wounded, Neighborhood Watch and
The Magnificent
Anna.
"Regarding the first article in this
newsletter [by Ed Tasca]. I agree with it's content (I
think). However, I would like to suggest that all
political parties be abolished and that the U.S. face reality
and incorporate, elect a C.E.O. with an attractive
compensation package (including perks) . . . The rest of
us can become stockholders."
-- SKIP PIPER, Radio Personality,
Advertising Executive, Internet Marketer www.epowershopusa.com.
"I can dig Skip, although guys named
Skip are seldom taken seriously."
-- Ed Tasca, award winning humor
writer from Woodbridge, Ontario, Canada. His novels
include Return of the Lost
Horses, PublishAmerica, Incorporated,
Columus Books and Good Morning, Why Is
Everyone Here Naked?, Lugus
Publications. His screen play
Wounded optioned by Kaos Films
in 2001 is under production in association with Scala
Productions. His other screen plays include
Neighborhood Watch and
The Magnificent
Anna.
"For some reason I don't remember
saying any of those things. It seems the
SandBagger Mag-e-zine is worse than the Daily
News. It doesn't misquote it just makes the f---ing
article up. I like that. . . "I do believe the
photo of the virgin flight was
copyrighted!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please send
$500.00 US $ to my Swiss account by noon Wednesday, to
avoid any further action. Your friend for
now. Don . . . Account
rough number is: THE SWISS BANK FOR DIRTY MONEY [number
redacted to protect the Swiss]. . .
. . . Sick, but fun!"
-- DON CIANCI, Award Winning Professional
Photographer.
"I love
reading these newsletters. You’ve really got a funny
bone."
--
Doug York, Playwrite, Actor, Video and Television
Producer, Theater Workshop Purveyor, Director, Musician,
Media Consultant. http://www.dougyork.com
"I am
Impressed"
--
Stephen V. Piucci, Leading Pacific Northwest Trial
Attorney (hey, he's Italian), gifted musician, vocalist,
entertainer and furniture
mover.
"Best thing in the paper is the
picture of Herb. Thanks"
-- Marvin (Boots) Melcher, General
Contractor, Mason,
SandBagger.
"The Dec. 15 issue of the
Sandbaggers Mag-e-zine was very entertaining.
What, no action shots of anyone skiing? Did Dwain Buck
ever find the plasma TV?"
-- Cheryl Rice, the cutest girl at the
senior prom.
"What a wonderful way to start the
day. . . Full of memories, laughter,
and
community."
-- B. Jo Brewer, C.P.A., President
Longview Early Edition Rotary Club, Business and Community
Leader.
"You are THE FUNNIEST guy I
know. I am 2,800 miles from the action. I love you
sense of humor."
"Dear SandBagger
Mag-e-zine, Put me on your
subscription list. Do you have a url for the Mag-e-zine
I can link to? I am the creator of the humor
website www.CaptainCanard.com and
would like to add a link. I recently became a
member of the Robert Benchley Society. I saved up my
membership fee for a couple of years, thinking that a society
about a Harvard alum would cost a pretty penny to join.
I sent in all I could scrape together--$259.09. [Then] I
received a note from Mr. Trumbull saying that by signing the
guestbook, membership was free. I was glad to hear
that. He kept my money though."
"In your most recent issue, you gave
coverage to the plight of fictional characters in their
attempt to join the [Robert Benchley] Society. I, as a
member of the Society and the director of the now-forming Ann
Arbor Chapter of the Benchley Society, to be called "A
Moderate State of Preservation," must join the tumult
and advocate the inclusion of these fictional
types. I am being advised in this matter by
one Mr. McGreggor, who claims to know where the 'fictional
bodies are buried.' I shall keep you advised if you
like."
"No wonder you were the all time
rookie of the year! And good luck with the navel
slurp. Leave it to the SandBaggers!"
"Mr. Daggy . . . SandBaggers
Mag-e-zine was misinformed about the back up plan at the
Ocean Beach property . . . the other possible project
would be farming . . . It would probably be called . . .
Delameter Fertilizer Company. What do you think?"
-- Pat Sari, Business Leader, Civic
Leader, Risky Skier, Owner of Columbia Ford, Longview,
Washington.
"Dear Mr.
Daggy, We{re in Puerto
Vallarta and I can{t figure out how to make an apostrophe on
this Spanish computer. We (Tim, Caroline, Maryetta and
I) went to a restaurant called The Set last night.
Wow! If you think that MacDonald{s is expensive, you
have to experience this. In any case, it{s quite swanky
and has a beautiful view of the ocean, which is near the shore
here. It was one of the best meals I{ve had. We{re
going to some fancy place called Rhythms of the Night.
They don{t seem to have quotation marks on this keyboard
¿"
-- William Putaansuu, Retired Professor of
Engineering, Industrial Science and Skiing (also a
musician, dramatis, and great guy).
"Just wondering what the
story is on the handsome man on your cover---Herb
Hadley---under the 'World Population Figures'
article. Is he a model figure? Are his
teeth almost fossilized? We know he's NOT the person
with big hair standing in front of us in the photograph with
6.3 billion of our friends. It's a good picture, no
matter how it relates! Thanks for a fun
article."
-- Kathy Meyers, President and Charter
Member of the Herb Hadley Fan
Club
"Thanks very much Doot [the dog] for your illuminating
message, and Christmas greetings. We really appreciate
your devotion to the Daggy household, and your obvious
communication skills."
-- Dave Stomberg, Rocket Scientist, with
Goddard and JPL, and Computer Systems expert for the
Saturn V Rockets that took man to the Moon on July 21,
1969; Glady Stomberg, Nurse, Housewife, Mother.
"This was clearly one of the best
I've received today! Thank you! (Nicely written,
without excessive ooze, and thoughtful)."
-- Jeff Lindsay, Humor Writer,
Magician. His work includes Politically
Correct Physics.
"You are having too much fun, aren't
you? Thanks..I needed a laugh."
-- Linda Miles, educator,
Magna Cum Laude Graduate of
Washington State
University.
"Read
with interest and a smile on my face. I'll be going back
into the Army soon. . . called out of
retirement."
-- Lt
Cnl. SAMMY CARELSON, Webmaster (aka Web slave)
for
PNWBands.com (The most
important compendium of the Bands of the Pacific
Northwest), http://www.theregents.net http://www.pnwbands.com
"Dear Mr.
Daggy, Thank you so much for including my
name on the Sandbagger News mailing list. I feel
privileged to receive your publication because it
contains news and information not likely to be found
anywhere else I am sure. In the event that this has
caused any expense whatsoever please forward the bill to my
son Ken Donner whose e-mail address is [Redacted to
preserve reader privacy] .... He has a
lot more money than I do."
-- Stanley Donner, Father of retailer
Ken Donner
"Mr. Donner's son probably
has more money than I have too, so send any expense for my
mailing to him also. Thanks."
-- Linda Miles, educator,
Magna Cum Laude Graduate of
Washington State
University.
"I have been
perusing the goofy content of your SandBagger
Mag-e-zine website. You’re quite the gag
guy as usual.
John is finding it very amusing . . . he’d fit right
in. We are Dave Barry fans,
too. John reads
him religiously."
-- Toni Remmers, wife and
mother.
"I need your wonderful
humor."
"Thanks for the info on
what's going on. . . My question is. How do you find the time to put
Sandbagger Mag-e-zine together? I have a hard
time finding the time to read all the news."
-- J. Pavo McDonald, Artist,
Educator, Newspaper
Man.
"Dear Mr.
Daggy, Please tell me sir, is the Sandbagger
Institute for Advanced Human Research and Bowling Team in any
way associated with the Grace L. Ferguson Airline and Storm
Door Company? (When you answer please don't consider
this as a request for legal advice. I really don't
give a ****.) Congratulations on an excellent
issue! My best wishes for a Merry Christmas and a
Happy New Year."
-- Stanley Donner, father of retailer
Ken Donner.
"Why do The SandBaggers exist?
What is their purpose?"
"Dear
Friends: I have no firm recollection of
meeting Mr. Frank King so I can only presume that he is a
radical of some sort, intent on destroying SandBaggerdom as I
know and love it"
-- Alex Hays, Political
Consultant, Campaign Advisor, Government Affairs
Consultant, Electoral College
Delegate.
"Joe: Best essay ever!
Hilarious!
Best regards
ever,"
-- Alex Hays, Political
Consultant, Campaign Advisor, Government Affairs
Consultant.
"[I enjoy the fact that SandBagger Mag-e-zine is]
written and then sent to me . . .as opposed to being
sent and then written. . ."
-- Dwain Buck, Erosion Control
Expert.
"Please include me on your
Sandbagger Mag-e-zine e-mailing list.
Caroline Putaansuu. . . I don't understand the whole
Pedro joke. I'm decidedly more twisted and low-brow in
my approach to humor. My sense of humor has the
Sandbaggers swearing. Adam teaches Slovak students
to swear in English. I get successful
American businessmen to swear in Spanish!"
-- Caroline Putaansuu, dramatis,
filmmaker, journalist,
mother
"Thanks Joe--- you are a
genius. P.S. I have my duck taped. Now what do I
do? . . .
. . . Please use smaller paragraphs,
shorter words, and turn your IQ down two notches. Your
confused reader. . .
. . .
How much does a real subscription
cost? Herb"
-- Herb Hadley, Former State Senator,
Insurance Executive, Business and Community Leader.
"Loved your Kikabut piece. If
Herb is fictional, does that make me fictional, too?
Maybe I'm a figment of a fictional imagination.
-- Dr. Karl Hadley, MD,
Risky Skier, Windsurfer, "Folksinger," son of Herb
Hadley.
"I,
for one, look forward to all of the carefully crafted
disguises and cleverly conceived false faces. . . funny.
. . sounds like the last Sandbaggers meeting, or at least Herb
posing as a Democrat."
--
Andy Wixon, Tim's brother.
"Please tell me what you are doing
to restore our Social Security System, and protect
it?"
-- Herb Hadley, Former State Senator,
Insurance Executive, Business and Community Leader.
"Thanks for this, but best to just
take me off the mailing list. I really only use this
private e-mail for close clients and family and don't want it
out for any type of other correspondence, including news
letters. Thanks and much love to the
family."
-- Gus Fernandez,
International Business and Communications Consultant,
close personal friend.
"Did I get this by Mistake?
Thanks."
-- Sharon O'Neill, U.S.
Postal Worker.
"What a kick! Thanks for
sharing with me. Keep me on your mailing list!!!
You have the most incredible view on life. I love
connecting with you. Nothing is dull when you touch
it!! And that is VERY nice!"
-- Elaine LaFave, Elder Care
Systems Manager.
"Merry Christmas to you too Doot (oh
yeah, and Sharon and Joe too)."
-- Sharon O'Neill, U.S. Postal
Worker.
"Hi Joe, Love the
newsletter! And Adam is a talented guy so this comes as
no surprise-his big success with Louie, Louie."
-- Caroline Wood, National Award Winning
Playwrite, Novelist, Director, Producer, and Screenwriter
of the Award Winning feature length motion picture
The Immigrant Garden, staring
ANGELA JOHNSON, directed by C. TAD DEVLIN.
"Great article, Joe!
Congratulations to the Louie, Louie god--Adam!! You da
MAN!!
What a great
experience."
-- Dr. Karl Hadley, MD, Risky
Skier, Windsurfer,
"Folksinger."
"AWESOME!!! Thank you, thank
you thank you! Plus, I loved the bit on 'Putaansuu
May Have Been Joking' in the Sandbagger
e-news. Cracked me up. We could do a follow
up where we find Pedro paraphernalia when we finish moving
everything out! Guillermo would be proud!"
-- CAROLINE PUTAANSUU, Dramatis,
Film Maker, Journalist.
"Okay, what have you done. I
am not able to print this out! Hi Joe. I didn't receive
the newsletter. Would love to get a copy of Frank King's
book, since that is where Kevin attends school. Is it
available on your website? Maybe they also have a
version for those in Slovakia."
|
-- Linda Miles,
Educator, Magna Cum Laude
Graduate of Washington State
University. |
"Joe, Please tell Ms
Miles that I have had such an overwhelming response to the
article in the SandBagger Mag-e zine that I am preparing to
actually write the book and send it to the printer
(photocopying is printing...right? . .). We are
currently experiencing two setbacks on our foreign editions. .
. 1) We cannot spell Slovakea, and 2) We cannot
find anyone that can speak or write in Slovakease. As
soon as we locate this person we will be happy to comply with
her request. In the mean time, if she would like to
forward her money for the book orders, we would appreciate
it."
Frank King, World Traveler and
President of King's House of Travel. http://www.kingstravelkings.com
"Cool, really cool, Joe and
Adam! Thanks. . . Well done, Joe!"
-- Rod Skalitzski,
Minister
"Well done,
Joe! Daggy strikes again... What a literary
style! I think I've got a
news story for you, sort of. . . Notify the public
that your Top News story of the day (due to slow news) will be
for sale to the highest bidder. I'm glad you had the
caveat, 'Don't believe everything you read' . . . You
stretched the truth just a wee bit. . . You should change the
caveat to 'Don't believe anything you read, see or hear . .
. especially in an election year!' I can see you're
still exercising that warped (genius) literary style. .
. Keep up the good work . . .
Tom"
-- Thomas Haseltine,
Commercial Photographer, Publisher, Newspaper, and
Advertising Man.
"You might be a Sandbagger if you never really
thought that stuff Bill Putaansuu did was all that
weird. You might be a sandbagger if - you go Christmas
shopping at Can-Openers R Us each year. Joe,
This is great. Now I know why I got the diesel powered
can opener. Thanks. I miss Dad too. . .
. . . I should tell you that what we
found was a jar, and the "moonshine" looks more like urine
with some muck on the bottom. Is that the moonshine?
Should we be looking for a jug instead?"
-- SANDY PUTAANSUU, artist,
cartoonist, newspaperwoman, communications
consultant.
"Has the Sandbagger e-zine ever done
an historical retrospective of the Lake Sacajawea bridge
disaster of 1968? It is a timeless story that should
continue to be told to all and future
generations."
-- Hank Rasco, Rock n' Roll Icon
and Music Legend
"Good morning from Castle
Rock....DOOT and your humans.....We have awakened to the
Christmas tree lights and presents."
-- Steve West, the guy who taught me to
play Louie Louie.
"Great!!! Loved all
of the stimulating aspects of Club life. Makes me long
for the Canopeners R Us trip. Overall it had to be
done to gain a worldly presence and get the respect that the
SandBaggers deserve."
-- Jim Holter, Publisher, Business Man,
Former SandBagger President.
". .
. However your knowledge
of history SUCKS! Your story line begins as follows: "It
is 1943 and America is entering THE WAR!."
DUMKOPF! The war had already been going for 2
YEARS! The war began Dec. 7, 1941."
--
Ken Plampin, official substance abuse counselor and
security officer of the SandBaggers.
"Great stuff, though."
--
John Claypool, Professional Real Estate
Appraiser, Community Civic Leader.
"I am
attaching the piece that was written by the county auditor,
Kristina Swanson, about the upcoming changes to the primary
system. Hopefully, you will consider it for inclusion in
your next Newsletter."
-- Lori Sarancik,
League of Women Voters of Cowlitz Co. and Joan
Lemieux, community leader, former Cowlitz County
Commissioner, League of Women Voters, Host and Organizer
of the Lower Columbia Writers
Group.
"Good news: I've been in contact with
the U.S. State Department and the SandBaggers are being
considered to serve as the interim government in
Iraq."
Editor's Note:
<there should be a
note in every issue from now on> -- Horace J.
Digby
|
|
|
Don't believe everything you
read. |
SandBagger
Mag-e-zine is published by Lexington Film, LLC.
All
"persons" "places" "events" "plants" depicted are
fictional, especially "Herb Hadley."
Copyright
© 2005 Lexington Film, LLC. All rights reserved
|
|
