Looking For Bob Newhart (on eBay) - Humor by Horace J. Digby

My pal Pam Gilbert-Bugbee never ceases to amaze me (perhaps "worry" is a better word). But this time she had a great idea. I Recently got word Bob Newhart and Dave Barry would be guests on my online radio show, The Horace J. Digby Report, which I do for A3Radio.com out of Ann Arbor, Michigan. Naturally I'm bouncing off the walls trying to learning all I can about these great humorists, before the interview. That's where Pam comes in. "Have you tried looking on e-bay?" she asked.

In her inimitable way (which I think is also the name of a freeway in Honolulu) Pam had hit upon something really big. Following her advice, I quickly typed "Bob Newhart eBay" into my search engine and almost immediately found an autographed photo of Newhart on sale for just ten dollars (perhaps ten dollars was the shipping cost, but either way it was a steal). Some people might think I'd look pretty foolish buying a photo which Bob Newhart had personally autographed to people "Connie and Carla." But the joke's on them. My lawyer pal, Caufbaugh Twilley, assures me he can have my name legally changed to "Carla and Connie" for only another hundred and fifty bucks. So, who looks foolish now?

Pam's idea started me thinking (which is still legal in most states) and I realized, if eBay found Bob Newhart so quickly, it could probably find other things just as quickly.

When I was seven I earned about four dollars in pennies and nickels collecting pop bottles. Because I was seven I kept the money in a small leather pouch tied with a leather thong. One day while swinging the pouch around by the thong (because I was seven) the thong came untied and the pouch actually bounced up under my parents' sofa, never to be seen again. I looked and looked. It probably bounced up into the framework of the sofa, but exactly where I never did discover.

Well, it turns out, if you type "eBay leather pouch" in your search engine, it only takes 0.13 seconds (unless you accidentally type "leather couch" and "leather punch" on your first two tries like I did) to get 699,000 references to leather pouches. As it turns out, some fellow in Cleveland is trying to sell my leather pouch on eBay.

And if eBay can find Bob Newhart and my missing pouch that fast, what else can it find? This concept is staggering. It could revolutionize laundry day. Missing sock will be a thing of the past.

-- Horace J. Digby --

P.S. I just typed "eBay leather pouch Cleveland" in my search engine. I got 33,200 hits. They must be running some sort of clearing house in Cleveland.