New Warning Label Icons
by Horace J. Digby
As a society we haven't paid nearly enough attention to those cute little warning label icons decorating the side of prescription medicine bottles. You are probably be familiar with some of them.
"Do not consume alcohol while using
this medication."
"Do not operate motor vehicles or
heavy equip
-ment while using this product."
Helpful as these are, they just don't go far enough considering the many other serious risks we face each day. For this reason, The SandBagger Institute For Advanced Human Research and Bowling Team has proposed immediate adoption of the following New Pill Bottle Warning Label Icons.Risks are all around us just crying out for their own warning label icons. Investors have lost billions in the stock market in recent years. Just think of how much of that loss could have been prevented by this simple icon.
"Warning: This medication may reduce
your ability to realize that you are actually taking stock market advice
from you unemployed brother-in-law."
For many the stock market is tame compared to the alarming rise of divorce in our nation. Here's a warning icon which just might help turn that tide.
"Always consult your physician before
using this medication in combination with phrases like: "I
do," or "Gee that's a pretty ring!"
With the majority of all new business startups fail during their first three years, here is another icon we cannot do without.
"Warning: Use of this medication may
increase the apparent attractive-ness of certain business
opportunities."
Many medications cause mistakes and forgetfulness, yet the following important health reminder has somehow been missing from our pill bottles.
"Reminder: Dating or
marriage between siblings is strongly discouraged."
Here is another icon that could prevent significant suffering each year.
"The Surgeon General has determined
that it is unsafe to select new fabric or wall paper while under
the influence of this product."
It may be too later for us to benefit this time arround, but the following warning will improve the lives of thousands in the future.
"Warning: This medication may
interfere with normal judgment. People using it are strongly advised
to avoid running in the Iowa Primary."
Year in and year out one activity is cited above all others as our nations greatest health risk especially when combined with intoxicating liquor or conflicting medications. Tragically the majority of its victims are not its users, but their friends, relatives and co-workers who become passively exposed to its second-hand effects. This highly addictive activity has been completely ignored by the pill-bottle- warning-label-icons industry, UNTIL NOW.
"WARNING: KARAOKE AND
SECOND-HAND KARAOKE MAY BE HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH."
by Horace J. DigbyWinner of the Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor
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