I found this on my computer this morning, together with a half eaten dog biscuit. I figure it has to be a hoax because our dog, Doot, never left a half eaten dog biscuit any where in her entire life.

Daybreak Kennels, Richfield, Washington

DOOT e-news letter  Written just for you by Doot (the dog).

    Well its Christmas Eve already and my family is too busy for words.  They are all sneaking around putting colorful paper (I am told, because dogs are color blind) on all sorts of boxes.  It doesn't make much sense to me, except the part where they put out some milk and cookies for me by the fire place before they go to bed.  Horace usually puts it away before he goes to bed, because he is the last one up, because he doesn't start putting paper on his boxes until it is almost too late.  But any way, he usually puts it away, so I gotta be quick, or some times, like two years ago, he leaves it out for me.

    There are loads of new things going on around here.  Sharon came up with a new game a week or two ago.  She put this huge plastic cone around my neck so that I couldn't touch my head, or for that matter see my body.  For a few days I just gave them the silent treatment, and laid around in my bed staring at them like the world had ended, but when that didn't work I figured, "Hey. Ya gotta eat!"

    For the first few days I had the cone on my head, all of the furniture kept bumping into me, and my family laughed when I walked around.  Well, you'd be careful too if you had a cone around your head and couldn't see anything.  But after about a week the furniture quit messing with me, and then just as I was starting to like the cone, they took it off.  I still haven't figured out what that was all about.  It sort of reminds me of when Horace and Horace, Jr. used to tease me about it being time to take a bath, only the cone was dry.

    Horace, Jr. is very busy.  He has decided to go to Japan for a year.  Either that or Slovakia, or maybe Finland.  An exchange student from India came over today to encourage Horace, Jr. to go.  I hope he goes too.  Then I might get my own room.  I haven't been to any of those place.  But I suppose that they will have food there for him.  And hey.  What else is there.

    I don't understand why he wants to leave, because we have lots of food in our own neighborhood.  But every body thinks it is a good idea, and they are running around filling out applications and stuff to try to make it happen.  Horace, Jr.'s life is getting so complicated.

    Horace Jr. is almost an Eagle Scout.  He just has a little bit more work to do for that.  He started College last summer (before he actually started attending High School).  He has his learners permit.  After a while he will be able to get a license.  I don't know what the big deal is.  I've had a license-on my collar-since I was just a pup.  He also started flying airplanes last summer.  He has flown three times so far, and he is talking about studying aviation in college either in Florida, Arizona or North Dakota.  My friend Snoopy is a pilot, and I will put in a good word for Horace, Jr. the next time I see good ol' Snoop.

    Horace, Jr. is also still an expert on Star Wars information.  Our author friend, Steven Barnes, was asked this last summer to write the next Star Wars novel for George Lucas.  Steven asked Horace, Jr. to consult on the book.  Horace, Jr. is real excited because Steven has access to the Lucasfilm secret CD that has all of the really important Star Wars information on it.  Horace, Jr. doesn't get to look at the CD, but he will at least probably be in the same room with it.

    Horace, Sr. is busy too.  He is going to court and doing loads of business and estate planning work for his clients.  He is also still working with that movie producer, C. Tad Devlin.  The movie they have been working on,  The Immigrant Garden, has just won a big international award at one of the world's oldest and biggest film festivals.  Tad (Mr. Devlin to us, but Horace gets to call him Tad) says there were 431 entries from six different countries and 22 states, representing the creative efforts of 3675 filmmakers, actors and writers. Tad and Horace still haven't made a deal to sell the movie, but it is now available on a limited basis on video tape for just $19.  I was saving up my money until I found out that dogs can't see television.  What a low blow that was.

    Mr. Devlin has worked on loads of movies for Disney.  I don't even know he has any parts for a cute Dalmatian who never misses his mark, and is always on time for meals.

    Well, I've got to be going now. They Just put out the cookies and milk again.  And I'm going to get some this year.  But I gotta be quick.  Last year, just as I was about to make my move, this fat guy climbed out of the chimney and ate the stuff.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Doot (the dog)

P.S. I got the cookies.